For Those Who Feel Anxious About 2020

You’re not alone.

In the age of motivational Twitter and Instagram poets it looks as though everyone is excited and prepared for the year ahead. It looks as though everyone’s working on themselves, or ‘getting the bag’, or speaking financial, spiritual, and mental elevation into existence.

So why are you on the floor in the corner of your room, hurdled into a little ball of protection to shield yourself from the outside world? Why are you in bed under your duvet with the lights out and your headphones in, aiming to escape reality through music? Why does the thought of growing up and staying in the same place haunt you?

Maybe you’re just more realistic. Maybe that’s what separates you from them.

Or maybe it’s because you’ve been through too much or you’ve seen too much. Maybe that’s why you can’t be fulfilled by posting ‘Making silent moves and minding my business all 2020’ on your Snapchat story.

Maybe you’re just emptier and you need more.

Well, if you thought I was going to answer these allegations I hate to disappoint but I’m not. I wish to neither negate nor confirm any of the thoughts that have danced across your mind except for the ones that tell you that you’re alone. You’re not.

The people who double tap motivational posts and never comment, the people who view the snapchat stories speaking positivity into existence but never post their own, the people who don’t have wildly optimistic expectations but silent hope – we are the people who relate to you. You don’t see us, you wouldn’t even know that we exist because we seldom talk. We just kind of hear, and see, and read, and take it all in.

It’s easy to be led to believe that everyone is a self-motivated, hard-working, mentally stable individual with secret projects in the making and good discipline and excellent work ethic but that’s just because those people, they speak the loudest. Why wouldn’t they? They’re proud.

But open your eyes. Pay attention. Nobody is talking about the things that went wrong. No one wants to shout about their anxieties, their fears, their financial struggles, their battles with mental health. That isn’t something you put in your Instagram bio or get thousands of retweets for. And I don’t necessarily blame the world for that. I mean, most people don’t want to see depressing stories on the TL or see pictures of your lazy days on their Instagram feed.

But I think it’s comforting for people like us to know that there are people like us. I think a support system can be established here.

I’m breaking the silence – not because this is something I want anyone to know about or because it’s something to brag about. I can assure you it isn’t.

I’m breaking the silence so that you don’t think you’re all alone when there’s hundreds of others like you.

Here’s to the “pessimistic”. Here’s to the ones who can’t, rather haven’t yet managed to escape from the nagging feeling that something is going to go wrong this year. Here’s to the ones who sense a breakdown rather than a breakthrough. To the ones who know deep, deep down that things will eventually change for the better and this helpless feeling will eventually subside but just can’t see it yet.

Your anxiety does not make you a pessimist. Something will go wrong this year, but many things will go right this year. There will be breakdowns but every breakdown is followed with a breakthrough. And I know you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet but continue to have dreams of a different time. A time where things are better.

You’re still holding onto hope. Even though it looks as though you’re absolutely defeated and you’ve given up on yourself, I know and you know that there’s still a glimmer of a hope in your sights. You may not be overly optimistic about 2020, but you believe in the 5% chance.

I can tell you this: small faith is better than no faith. God can work through small faith.

2020 might not be your year. I’m getting tired of saying that every year will be my year. So let’s do this instead.

2020 might be your year and it might not. But whether it is or it isn’t, this year will be a teacher of wisdom, endurance and resilience. It’ll be a teacher of wrong and right. It’ll teach you about the world and about the people around you and about yourself. And that’s a blessing in itself. So have faith in that.

Even if it’s just the faith of a mustard seed.

Live in Peace,

Kyra-Ann ईबी