Know that I don’t want a love language.
Know that when you ask me what my love language is as part of your research that you will later use as ammunition, that I accept that one exists but it isn’t up for public knowledge. My dad already told me what you will do with them. You will manipulate and corrupt the beauty of words, the thing that I value the most in this world. The tools that I use to create art and devise poetry, to tell stories with for the healing of the wounded. You will tell me exactly what you think I want to hear to get what you want from me, even if your intentions are pure. Even if what you want from me is honest and genuine, the things you say to me cannot be taken back once they are said, things meant for the ears of a wife and most likely, we will both regret the words after. Not because you had evil intentions or a heart of deceit, but because you didn’t understand the depth of the words you were saying. You couldn’t comprehend the magic behind the tongue, or that a spell uttered by the mouth of someone who didn’t truly believe in themselves at the time will surely bring certain doom.
You will exaggerate the love language of quality time because you think it’s what I desire, what will make us strong. But quality time can mean time with oneself and you didn’t know that, and you may fail to understand that even now that I have explained it to you. You knew but didn’t internalise that cultivating the soul that lays inside of you is the best thing you could possibly do for any relationship. That in quality time with yourself, you find you have values and principles, you find that what you desire is more than just skin deep, and not just because a popular figure on Twitter told you so or because that’s what everybody says but because you want it for yourself. Because you need to converse with someone who shares your mentality and attitudes towards life. Because you can’t share your optimistic view on life with a pessimist. Because you can’t be realistic with someone who is too idealistic. Because no matter how much you love their body, if you don’t love their mind, the spark you felt at the beginning will eventually blow the fuse. And because though you might not want to admit it, destroying someone else’s solitude won’t grant you peace of mind.
You will utilise acts of service because offering time equals to blessing time and you want to be blessed, but the blessings that you long for don’t come from the Lord. The blessings that you want come from the honey in my skin and the chocolate on my lips and you want a taste of what’s not meant for you. You know that I always say ‘actions speak louder than words’ so you act the role of the man that every woman wants but more often than not, you’ll have picked the wrong role. Though your skills in theatre are above subpar, your miscalculation was when you added me into the equation of ‘every woman’. See, the acts of service that you have on offer, I’m not interested in because the only one I serve is my Holy Father and so, until you learn to serve Him, you can never serve me on your plate.
If I were I to tell you my love language was receiving gifts, you would perfect the art of gift giving except it wouldn’t be a gift; it would be a trade. You think my virginity is on the stock market – it’s not. No matter how much you invest in me: in dinners, in jewellery, perfume and flowers; until you invest in Christ your rate of return will always be 0%. So boys, you can give me your hoodies and your jackets all you want, but understand that for me, sex is a gift from God and I treat it with respect the way He told me to.
And dear boys, when you tell me that physical touch is your love language, know that it is mine, too. But also, know that it doesn’t mean I’m going to give it to you. Know that the love languages were designed for couples in love to express their love to their loved one. Know that as you and I are not in love, I don’t owe you the ‘right’ you believe you have to your love language, neither do I seek it from you. Understand that I place so much value on physical touch as a form of intimacy that if I were to allow it, my soul might just bind to yours and without your commitment to God, that soul tie would be dangerous for me. That soul tie would become the gateway for evil to enter my heart and I don’t, I won’t give in to that.
When you ask me what my love language is – words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, or physical touch – know that you are wasting your time because you will never know. And if I’m being completely honest with you, I’m not even in possession of my heart at this moment in time. I gave it to God a long time ago, and unless He decides to give it to you, none of the love languages you speak will enter my heart.
Live in Peace,